I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
