So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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