i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
