I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
