i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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