I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
