I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
