Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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