Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I deserve this hangover.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
