i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
