k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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