I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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