Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
