We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
