I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
