Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
