just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
