I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize