Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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