for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Boobs speak an international language.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
