dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
