I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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