I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
