I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
