my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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