we're blogging at a bar
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize