oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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