He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
