She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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