Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Enjoy the penises
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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