Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
