He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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