mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
