just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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