I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
