God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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