Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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