The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
