you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
