I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
