The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
