I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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