So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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