Small penises have feelings too.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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