Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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