just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
