shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
