His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My dick has a subreddit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
