I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
