sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
