i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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