I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
