remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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