I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
