Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
