just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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