Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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