Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
