my mouth tastes like poor choices
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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