I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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