I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
