Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
