Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
