I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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