I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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