Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
