come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
