I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
