"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
